A pause for the traveler

At times I have this image of myself standing by the door with a suitcase in my hand, unsure if I am leaving or returning. In past years I have lived or stayed in and come back and forth from Chicago, LA & Berlin. And in prior years New York was another port of call. There are legitimate reasons for travel as I work in the film industry and am an artist. But I know now that it was "the motion" the need to move and the anxieties that would catch me if I stayed in one place too long. Wanderlust in the truest since. There is a chaos or unrest in my head and motion subdues it. Either I have grown older and things have settled in my body & mind or I may be confronting that unrest. The questions I needed the discipline and the maturity to answer. The notion of "home" has for so long been unclear to me. I felt at odds with settling into my apartment. I've kept friends and relationships at an arms length. But I have felt a change and it feels positive and peaceful. I have been thinking about Chicago a lot, and realizing that in many ways that was a home for me for many years. And not fully connecting may have been a fear of a stable life that I could not see myself in. On my last return from LA I was surprised at how natural it was to reconnect with my crew to make another short film. I had not acknowledged that the years I had lived here had fostered support for my work. It could be that the "motion" I needed was the activity and progress of my projects. So I want to take a pause, welcome the present and see what an anchored environment can do for my work. This is not to say that I will not return to my other "satellite homes". I have true and dear collaborators in LA and my favorite city is a grey, chic city in Europe, but for now it feels good to feel still.

Image Sarah Maingot

You Must Have Chaos

you must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star


Gif Bright Star
quote, Nietzche

I am not afraid of storms

“I am not afraid of storms for I am learning how to sail my ship.”

—Louisa May Alcott

Wrigley Building, Chicago

I have dreamed in my life

 













"I have dreamed in my life, dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas; they have gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the color of my mind." Emily Brontë  

Pena National Palace

Building Blog

In my research for my Sciencefictionarchitecturenoirfilm, I tumble into this undisciplined rabbit hole of research. I should be getting back to the actual script, concentrating on structure and writing. Initially I was self conscious about writing for characters as architects when I felt I knew little about architecture or design. I grew up in Wisconsin where every art teacher was quick to remind that Frank Lloyd Wright was from our home state and that architecture was something that was genius and dramatic. When I began my script I knew that I wanted my characters to be artists which led me to think of the most visual and firm art form I could think of. And over the years of writing and researching I've just fallen love with architecture. I love buildings. I get sidetracked as I delve into different styles and eras.

Often there is a Brutalist bent to some of the architecture in science fiction, like in this still from  Blade Runner.
 










Brutalism in real life can often feel dreary, I think of the UIC campus in Chicago. It's grey upon grey in a grey city. But I came across the work of Paul Rudolph, his work has a lighter touch to the brutal style. And speaking of architectural heritage, he is from Elkton, Kentucky, which is where my father is from (a rather random place for an architect to be from as there's not a lot of buildings there or anything else for that matter). He designed the white blocked building at the top of the post, the Milam house in Florida. It reminds me of Michael Mann. Like a house that would be in one of his movies, airy white and stark. Someplace where the guy that's been a bank robber his whole life retires to before he's pulled into one last heist. Or where the well-connected dealer stays. Or the house where William Petersen lived in Man Hunter.


Speaking of Man Hunter, THIS is awesome. This is my favorite scene from the movie. There's a lot of great things going on (like the ripping of the nylon off the dash), but I love how the door glows behind Joan Allen's head.

Another Still

 Here's another still from the camera tests I did for my Sci-Fi Noir. Ruth Barabe was the beautiful and emotive model who interacted with the buildings and skyline.

The one that I hold closest

I have been working on one thing for so long. Friends and family ask about it in vague tones wondering where it may be at and if it's still of concern. It is. Within the last couple of years I have been wading back into my craft. Something that is familiar but takes work and diligence.
I wrote a feature length script just out of film school. A science fiction noir that deals with architects in Chicago. Many years have past. It has sat in drawers, I've had to transpose it into different writing programs. At times when I couldn't sit down and work with it, the screenplay became loveless, a weight. But I still feel for the story, I am still drawn into it. But I have to work with it and practically reassemble it to bring the piece into the present. But it is still here, it's with me, and I am making footprints with it. A short has been written based on the feature length draft. Actors have been contacted. I am readying a film order (yes, film!), and camera tests have been shot. I am bringing the project that I love the most into the world. I'm thankful, delighted.